| well what ever xanga goers are left, here you go, a real entry.
i just got back from stairing at the stars, not meaning to be corny or anything, but i must say, this was the first time i really got that real feeling of inferiority. i have look at the stars before, but not very well i suppose. that feeling is just mind blowing. so mind blowing, it almost kocked me off the railing i was sitting on. that was a stupid mistake on my part, but no one cares. is the big dipper the one that points to the north star? or was that the little dipper? it doesnt matter now, but i was wondering that...
there was a plane too, if what i found was the north star, then it was going south.
I wish i was on that plane. just so i might have the chance of doing something...of importance. maybe, or maybe just to see some of the world.
maybe if the europeans didnt hate us so much, i might go to italy or france or something. just to see what all the fuss is about. i dont know if i'd go to britian... it just doesnt seem...intresting... well maybe its just over-rated, but none the less. not spain either. after spainish class, i really dont like the idea of spain. not that im exactally fluent in italian or french. i needs to get some culture in me.
i gotta do something about this rambling thing.
if its june, then why is it so cold outside. i honestly think this is a rip off, i should file a complaint form with mother nature. not that such a thing exists.
i know! when i go on my trip that i have planned in my head, ill stay in warm places. that or i'll buy a lot of knee socks. or both. knee socks come in handy quite often.
i need to brush my teeth. i brushed them today, but for some reason i get the feeling my breath smells. maybe i shouldnt have said that...
whats this? a car just drove by...very slowly. its 11 pm and for some reason theres a car out... on my road. for those of you who dont know where i live, lets just say, my road is no main road. maybe its one of those damn penn dot cars. they never stop their fixing of roads. those poor men, their job is never done. and they have to stand the big yellow truck thing all day. that thing drives me nuts. just one of the many things that gets on my nurves, big, yellow vehicles. i hate construction just for the time in between starting and finishing. just cant stand the mayhem of it all, the dust and....
another car drove by, what the fuck? is it unnofficial drive on back roads night? i must have missed the memo. but, this car was driving the opposite way as the last, and it was going faster... much faster. That was no penn dot truck! maybe one of my few neighbors has a late job or something.
speaking of which, ill tell you about a little revelation i had on the bus some time in may and i still stand by:: i dont want to get old. no, i dont mean like a little kid wishes, i have some kind of facts... i mean really, it seems so dull, and fianl. i mean, you get married, have kids, then what? 30 years of the same routine, day after day, year after year. at that point, you probably dont have too many friends, and your too old to actually do something. everything nice is basically unactractive on you, and unless your a celeberty or filthy rich, your social life is dead. you pretty much live to work and watch your kids have fun. that is what really scares me. maybe, ill just die after 30 or something. maybe 35. yeah, that would be nice. i would have already gotten the better part of life out of the way. wheres the fun in repetative tasks and being resourted to an infant anyways? i just have to do something worthwhile from then to now. maybe some of you might remember me... or maybe not. i just think its nice to have someone look back on their high school years and tell their kids, oh yeah, i remember my friend nicole, she was pretty freakin awesome, i wish you could meet her.
woah. i just realized theres a little thing in the corner of this that tells you the html codes for some symbols... too bad im never going to remember that. it could come in handy on myspace. sorry to all to loyal xangaers, i too have been hit by the myspace softball. and it has left quite a bruse, or should i say tumor, on my brain. well isnt that a pleasent comparison?
there, i inserted a title, all this typing and im just now putting a title. isnt that lovely?
heh, i am pretty freaking awesome... but now is not the time for good self esteem.
i dont think i like angels and airwaves, im too loyal to blink to stab them in the back. tom's new band is too...emo. i know, i know, i love emo music, but tom's voice+emo music=no good at all. sorry buddy, but you cant beat what you were in blink 182. if your wondering what brought that on, i'm listening to them right now. for the first time in like a year. but i still remember the words to my favorite songs...
"young and hostile, but not stupid"
i like that one
there is no way its 61° outside! not only is weather bug extremely annoying, it lies too. that only further shows its suckyness. why yes, i am in fourth grade, thank you very much.
i wish we lived in claysville or something. then at least theres a store that sells stuff. vannah, heres a heads up if your reading up to this point, i might just want to live with you...for the summer.
i hate this damn thing. its doing that thing that if i write some where it erases other things. wow, that pisses me off. and my computer knowledge isnt very advanced, so i dont even know how to fix it.
the other day i found a sctech pad of shellys. she was a pretty good artist... im almost jealous i cant make things look that nice. i really admire her, and my brother. i just feel empty when i think of them... not saying i want to make the same mistakes they made... but they have som much more life experience than me. they are alot older, but... it just feels like i'll never have as much. they've been through alot in their life, and ive hardly been through anything. well at this age, things would have cleared up a little, but still. they made alot of mistakes, and by doing that, they've gotten stronger. and what do i have? i would have to say a whole lot of nothing. its times like this i wish we never moved from pittsburgh. right now i could be out with my friends actually doing something worthwhile. but i could be on some drugs, which isnt so good. see? it could be either way. thats what makes me hesitant. but ive already decided this... im definitly moving to the city after i'm 18. there is NO WAY IN HELL i'm staying here. and pittsburgh isnt even good enough, i'm getting the hell out of this state, no more amish, no more slow speed limit, i'm getting away from all of it. and who knows.... maybe i'll see some of you on my trip to find myself. that would be crazy.
maybe the reason i keep writing is that i'm afraid to stop. that sounds kind of dumb, but i think i am. after i'm done, then what? i cant sleep and no ones online to talk to. but i cant go on forever, this entry is already incredibly legnthly, and i'm pretty sure most of you stopped reading somewhere around my realization of the html code thing. thought i hope you havent, and thank you for reading this far.
i just have to let go. and face what ever theres left to do. |
